hymen heart no more
So this may be cheating, but my post is inspired by Daniel's. The discussion that Daniel's post started reminded me of some familiar terriority that I've walked and now needs to be retraced. I grew up in good ole fundamental Ev Free and matriculated at the progressive North Park U. But in both flavors of Christianity I became a Christian who had a theoretical God...sure I believed he existed, somewhere, and was maybe doing some stuff, again somewhere, but for me in the 21st century I felt like all was doing was trying to justify is absence. Trying to come up with arguments that proctected his love, justice, mercy, etc. and at the same time excused his absence.
When I graduated I came home from college to find that my parents had became holy-spirit filled, speaking-in-tongues, charismatic christians. Wierd, wierd, wierd. And sometimes i'd go to church with them at Resurrection Fellowship - and it was uncomfortable, disconcerting, ignorant,...and yet, and yet there was something that kept drawing me back. I'd be irritated, annoyed and most annoying of all I'd be moved. And after a year of being irritatingly moved/touched there, this is what moved and touched me: they had a very simple belief/conviction that God is present, good and accesible. And so they spend their time trying to access him.
Now there was much that I didn't agree with, much that wasn't healthy, but this, this simple creed was so beautiful and needed. So often we just assume the clock-work God and go on our religious business. However you don't just want to make God your buddy, we need to keep the tension between a mysterious, other, free God with one who desparately wants to reveal himself, for us to interact with him.
I realize that I'm treating sensitive ground, even as I write this I sense a fear and a desire/hope for a present God - if after I write this and I turn to Him in prayer, will i feel anything, will I ever expereintially know God in prayer, will I ever find Him or will I be left with a dry, grinding exercise, constantly ratinionalizing, "well he must doing something beyond my comprehension."? (I've been feeling this so often)
Its a great risk is find out if God is dead or not, a risk that costs so much - but we must be the first ones to take it. Regardless of the world's problem of evil, we have to start with ourselves and discover for ourselves if God is present and accesible. And if we find out for ourselves that the Kingdom exists, maybe then we could spread it to others.
-steve
When I graduated I came home from college to find that my parents had became holy-spirit filled, speaking-in-tongues, charismatic christians. Wierd, wierd, wierd. And sometimes i'd go to church with them at Resurrection Fellowship - and it was uncomfortable, disconcerting, ignorant,...and yet, and yet there was something that kept drawing me back. I'd be irritated, annoyed and most annoying of all I'd be moved. And after a year of being irritatingly moved/touched there, this is what moved and touched me: they had a very simple belief/conviction that God is present, good and accesible. And so they spend their time trying to access him.
Now there was much that I didn't agree with, much that wasn't healthy, but this, this simple creed was so beautiful and needed. So often we just assume the clock-work God and go on our religious business. However you don't just want to make God your buddy, we need to keep the tension between a mysterious, other, free God with one who desparately wants to reveal himself, for us to interact with him.
I realize that I'm treating sensitive ground, even as I write this I sense a fear and a desire/hope for a present God - if after I write this and I turn to Him in prayer, will i feel anything, will I ever expereintially know God in prayer, will I ever find Him or will I be left with a dry, grinding exercise, constantly ratinionalizing, "well he must doing something beyond my comprehension."? (I've been feeling this so often)
Its a great risk is find out if God is dead or not, a risk that costs so much - but we must be the first ones to take it. Regardless of the world's problem of evil, we have to start with ourselves and discover for ourselves if God is present and accesible. And if we find out for ourselves that the Kingdom exists, maybe then we could spread it to others.
-steve
posted by coemergentco at 8/31/2006 11:55:00 AM
5 Comments:
Steve, this is nice. Thank you. I don't have constructive commentary.
one of the things i like about charismatic churches compared to ours is that people "seem" to have a close connection with God during their services, and during ours i feel like we are robots- singing what is in front of us without even paying attention to the words or even to God. and i feel pulled into time during worship during 2nd service. it feels like a routine, and when i went to a charismatic church in san diego, they made it into a 1-on-1 time with God. now, a lot of that is just what i have to do personally to make it more of a connection with God, but it doesnt help when everyone around me does it too. so, i guess what i am trying to say is that we can learn from other churches on how to really connect with God...as a community of Christians.
"they had a very simple belief/conviction that God is present, good and accesible. And so they spend their time trying to access him."
I have thought about this post frequently in the past few days. I resonate with the content, especially the quote mentioned above in relationship to the language of creed. That statement pinpoints the fundamental difference between two Christian approaches... it sheds light on a hidden, foundational assertion which changes the shape of communities accordingly...
This post reminded me of my own struggle for an account of the Holy Spirit-- one might say that "a very simple belief/conviction that God is present, good and accesible," is a prerequisite, an invitation for His presence, because it subesquently orders our actions.
It is all very puzzling as well... I am confused by many things regarding the "manifestations" of the Spirit in certain communities.
In a philsophy group a few weeks ago we talked about the abuse of the language of the Spirit on the part of religious persons-- you can't critique a thought which has been sealed and stamped with the Spirit stamp-- it is a card that trumps all others and excludes discourse... that is just one small problem among many.
but I think the way you approached this (if I am understanding what you are saying-- which it is possible that I may not be) is helpful, and I appreciated it greatly.
Hey Steve,
This comment is loosely tied to the post but I thought it interesting enough to tag on here. Jesse Bangs was a friend of mine when I went to Rez and his parents were children's pastors there. He reflects back on the charismatic experience here: http://jaspax.com/archives/2005/02/orthodoxy-and-glossolalia
Steve, this post simply, yet powerfully, made me start praying more. Cause I think a lot about God and talk a lot about God, but lately haven't been interacting with Him much. Thanks.
-ryan
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